Sunday, August 11, 2013

I haven't been writing much lately because my life that revolves around this subject really sucks. I came out to my wife over a year ago and so far, it has not been good. I don't have time to write about it, but I wanted to let everyone know that I finally did it. She says she loves me and wants to stay with me, but we never talk about it. I feel so bad that I brought her into this situation without her consent. I feel ashamed of who I am every time she looks at me. We have grown farther apart.


Matthew Plooster said...

In life, we're all guilty of ignoring those topics that make us uncomfortable, for blaming ourselves for ripples caused by being more authentic, and for self-shaming. I imagine that these are difficult days for you and, especially, your wife. As difficult as it all is, you cannot remain in a mental and martial purgatory. It's not fair on yourself and your personal mental health, your wife, and your family. I can only wish that you address these issues before they lead to additional trials and challenges.

But do take what I say with a grain of salt; having not been in your shoes, what do I know...

I hope you both have excellent support networks because to suffer alone is to suffer unnecessarily. And when one reaches out to help, please accept their support.

Miguel said...

There could be things that you and she could do, or not--there's no script for this situation other than what do each of you want and what price are you willing to pay for it. Everyone is different, some people take 1 hour to decide, some take years--regardless of the situation, at least you've shared that part of you--it's a start.
Sending you hugs

Adon said...

Man, I wished I knew what to say that would buoy you up.

I am in the same situation as yourself. I came out to my wife 13 tears ago. I don't feel ashamed when I look at her or she at me. We just moved on. If you read my blog,, you will see my frustration with how she dealt with the information. Like your wife, she said she loves me and will stay with me.

Her knowledge of my attraction to men has made my life more confined.

We both feel tension whenever anything having to do with homosexuality is mentioned on TV or among friends.

I have just retreated into my closet and am very guarded in my responses to her, or within her hearing, having anything to do with the subject. Hopefully that will change.

Anonymous said...

If you ever need to talk, I've been in a similar boat. I'm in the SLC area. Hope you're well enough. Hang in there.

Drew said...


I have been a follower of your blog for about four years....silently observing. I only recently came out to my wife as well...eight months ago almost to the day. We have had a pretty rocky marriage since day one but things have really intensified as I have tried to sort through everything and then we have to sort through a lot as well.
I know exactly how you feel. We have grown further apart and it make everything seem even more difficult.

If you ever need to talk hit me up at Not that I have answers but I am more than happy to listen. If not I understand and I wish you well as you work everything out.

Glad you posted again I have been checking your blog every few weeks for the past few months hoping for a new post.

Thinking about you,

Ned said...

Our situations are similar. I try to keep myself mentally and physically healthy and be as kind and loving to myself, my wife and my world as possible. Some days are better than others. I take some solace in knowing that we all have a great variety of blessings and challenges and we are hear to learn, grow and love ourselves and our neighbors. Please continue to write. I hope you can feel the support and love that others have for you---those you know and even some you don't.

Anonymous said...

Good luck. Why don't ;you write more

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river, reflecting, silvery like a pistol, shining 'neath the moonlight.

Princess Crown

Since July 15, 2007