Is it really possible? Is it possible to control same-gender attraction within a mixed-orientation marriage? I've already made a lot of the hard decisions. I've been able to marry an incredible woman, have children and have an incredible family life. I've been attracted to my wife and able to perform sexually. But, with all this, I'm still attracted to men. I've been through bouts of moderate porn addiction. I've been through occasions where I nearly hooked-up with another guy. I've chatted on-line with other gay men. I've met other gay men with whom I was attracted and would have liked to pursue a friendship and possibly more. But, I never seem to follow through on any of these. I've been able to put the internet porn and chat rooms at bay. I no longer chat with gay men, but I do look at the occasional porn - maybe once a month - and even then it's not really graphic porn. Is it okay to view a little porn once a month in order to keep any more serious transgression at bay? So far, it has worked for the most part, but not without damage to my spirit.
I want to be completely clean, all of the time. I don't know if I will ever be free of same gender attraction, but it seems that I can keep it "under control" to a certain degree. Will it always be a struggle not to look at any porn and/or masturbate? And if so, do I consider this a small trade-off for being able to have a wife and family? Does this mean I will never be clean in this life, no matter how many times I repent, because I know eventually that I will make a mistake? Are there others, in my same situation, who are having better success? I think that overall, I can live a happy and fulfilled life in a mixed-orientation marriage, stay active in the church, true to my beliefs, attend the temple and serve in callings. But can I raise the bar? Should I try harder with the potential of greater success but also a greater possibility of failure? Or do I just continue on my current, relatively successful course, accepting my weaknesses, and perhaps knowing that this is the best I can do?