Will I ever...and if so, which is more likely to happen?
Will I ever...
tell my wife that I am attracted to men
kiss a man
fall in love with a man
go "all the way" with a man
tell my children that I am attracted to men
leave my wife and family for a man
tell a close gay friend that I am gay
hook up with a guy from the internet
have a relationship with a man without the sex (and if so, is this wrong?)
pay to have sex with another man
tell my parents that I am attracted to men
lose my attraction for men
speak out in church about same gender attraction
feel totally worthy (or at least mostly worthy)
stop looking at porn.
To be totally honest, I don't think I will make it through this life without at least kissing another man, and possibly more. If I live to be 90, that leaves more than 50 years still to go. So, if this is the case, is it better to do it now, while I'm still young and attractive? I don't want to end up being the 60 year old guy who pays a young guy to have sex. To me, that is worse than finding a guy now that I could love for years. However, I would have to find a way to do it without having to leave my wife and kids. Could I live with myself for the rest of my life not telling anyone that I had been with another man? Maybe a kiss would be the easiest to condone. I would need to make it a kiss that is totally unattached romantically. I would be up front with the guy, saying that I only wanted a kiss to see what it is like, with no intention of going further. Is this just getting too close to the edge? What if I can't stop, or what if I really like it? I already know that I would like it, that seems obvious. And, knowing that anything further would ruin my life with my wife and kids, I could easily draw the line at a kiss.
I really think I'm going to do this. It will take some time to find the right guy. How do I find a guy that would understand and make sure that I didn't go any further? Maybe it should be someone in my same situation, or would it be better to do it with a guy that is a total stranger and already experienced. I would be interested to hear from those of you who have just kissed another guy and gone no further. Was it worth it? I'm not going to rush into this, so those of you who want to try and stop me, here's your chance, but you had better be very convincing.