Saturday, April 21, 2007
HELP! My flight leaves tomorrow afternoon (Sunday) for Salt Lake and I've been cruising Salt Lake gay chat rooms to find someone to meet while I'm there for a few days. Overall, I trust myself and have made it this far, but I'm having a hard time for some reason. Why can't I be the same person I am when I'm at home when I'm away by myself? Am I really that weak? I don't necessarily want to have sex with a guy while I'm in Salt Lake. I just want to meet someone and spend some time with another guy. Do I allow myself to meet someone, going into it with the goal of just spending time, going to dinner, talking, committed not to have sex? I know I'm playing with fire, but I think after all these years that I can handle myself. Do one of you guys want to meet and save me from myself?
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7 comments:
“I just want to meet someone and spend some time with another guy. Do I allow myself to meet someone, going into it with the goal of just spending time, going to dinner, talking, committed not to have sex?”
IMO, Forester, nope. Save yourself the anguish of either meeting some guy secretly and doing nothing (I assume your wife wouldn’t be happy about that alone), or the anguish of doing something... What if you have a really good time, and connect with the guy? I mean, you’ve been “cruising” chat rooms. You don’t “necessarily” want sex. That sounds a bit ominous; it sounds like trouble from my limited observations.
I’m sure there are a great number of guys here who would meet you and with the purest of intentions and outcomes. But I’d still worry about that a bit too, for the sake of appearances and secrets; I’d simply meet no one without my spouse involved under such circumstances.
Ug, I hate to be such a pessimistic downer… uhh… Enjoy your visit to lovely Salt Lake City! Great hiking this time of year :-)
Forester, what do you think you're doing? I don't mean to be the moral authority here by any means... It is you who is raising the moral dilemma of your desires in your panic. If you didn't have a moral issue here, you'd just go for it. So, I ask: Is there a moral issue or not? If there is, and if what you just said to KB about Brokeback Mountain means anything (that you're grateful for your marriage and your wife - even though there you deceptively watched the movie when she wasn't around - NOTE: I watched it on a business trip - so there you have it - I admit my big "fling") then let me be the first to SLAP your head and tell you to wake up! Don't do this! You're better than this.
Believe me when I say that I know how you feel and I know the desires you are feeling as you've "got the chance to get away with something behind her back" on a business trip. But I agree with Scot - it sounds like you're heading for trouble even if it's innocent. I know - it sounds fun to play around a bit, to see if anyone will actually "connect" with you. That's all exciting and tittilating, but for what purpose in the end? To get burned from playing with fire?
Now, if there isn't a moral issue here about your marriage and commitments etc., then go for it and have a great time in my home town!
I just feel so alone. Things with my wife are not going well. The kids take all of our attention and we don't have time for each other. I'm just tired of trying. I'm guessing I won't do anything. I'm probably too frightened to really try anything. I really appreciate your support and I'm sorry you had to say anything. I'm usually the one telling someone else to hang on.
I have another secret. I scheduled my trip one day and night longer than needed. I planned this time to meet someone.
I'm sorry that things are lonely and the kids are getting the best of your marriage. I, like many here, really do understand your frustration and your desires for something more. It's natural and something to learn to adjust to... and it's not always easy.
If you want to call, you can contact me to talk... but you'll have to share your email since I don't share mine openly.
I feel kind of strange posting this as an unmarried woman, but I want to say this anyhow. If you feel that your marriage isn't going well, why don't you do something rather than surrender? Why would you plan something that is going to complicate your life times a hundred? What good would meeting someone accomplish? It won't solve your marriage problems and it will give you something else to worry about. A marriage doesn't just go away. I imagine that you were married in the temple and if that is true, you are committed to something greater than you. Don't give in to something that will have eternal consequences. I hope that you will make wise choices that will lead you to greater happiness, not anguish and misery.
P.S. I would refer you to John Galt's blog if you are still wondering what you should do. He has dealt with considerable pain due to a similar choice in a similar situation and you know what he chose in the end? His family.
Be strong enough to say no. I'd be willing to bet that after a fleeting encounter with someone, regardless of whether it goes awry or not, you'd end up feeling just as alone and you'd still have a struggling relationship with your wife. Only now you'd have a secret to keep on top of that. It isn't worth it.
If you just want someone to talk to, email someone, chat with someone, even call someone on the phone. Many on the Mohosphere who have no prior knowledge of you would be willing to help out in that way - we stick together for each other. If it were any other weekend I'd probably offer to come up or have you come down, but it's really busy and you probably wouldn't want to hang out with a bunch of random BYU kids anyway. :P
I'm in Salt Lake. I'll be your conscience if you need me. I've been on plenty of business trips where I've tried to do the same thing. Even to try it, once you get there, you'll realize how stupid and risky it is. No matter what you think now, it simply is not worth it. If you need some strength outside yourself, let me know via a reply to this comment. I'm here if you need me.
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