I am 99% gay. I reserve 1% for being attracted physically to my wife, but beyond this, I have no attraction for women. I've heard that there is a scale for gayness, but I've never met anyone who was gay that was only half gay. I have also heard of gay men who have rid themselves of their attraction to men. I do believe this can be done, but I have yet to experience it. There have been times when I had no attraction to men or women. I had little to no sexual drive during my darkest months of depression. I could look at naked men or women without any attraction.
I had someone tell me that since I have been able to marry and have children that I must be lower on the gayness scale. Believe me, I am extremely attracted to men. I have never been attracted to women at any time in my life except for one short period of my egagement to my wife. Looking back to puberty and even before, I have always and only been attracted to men. There were a few short months while dating and being engaged to my wife where I was attracted to her. If this had not happened, I may not have gotten married. As it stands now, I love my wife, but I'm thinking that our sex life is probably not as good as a perfectly straight couple. If she initiates it, I can usually follow through, but I rarely initiate it any more.
Is this a sad existence? Not by a longshot. Having an incredible wife and incredible children, being able to take the sacrament, attend the temple, participate in all things in the church as though I were a perfectly straight man is what I have worked to accomplish. These are real and tangible accomplishments on which I base my success against the temptation of being attracted to men. I fall now and again, but I pick myself up and continue down the path I know will bring me true happiness now and through the eternities.
9 comments:
Thank you for your comments. I wish a larger audience could read them. I have counseled with many, many LDS with SGA. I have met none who decided at some point to have these attractions. I personally believe that it is organically caused. (I wish I had been given diabetes instead of this challenge.) I feel sad that you seldom initiate intimacies with your wife. You perhaps are limiting yourself too much. If you care to discuss this privately with me, please email me.
I'm much like you. I've always been attracted to men. The only woman I've ever been attracted to is my wife - and even then, I've had to work at it. But as I've grown to love her more (we've been married over 20 years), I've found it easier to initiate sex with her and enjoy it more. I'd be happy to discuss this more with you, or you could read my blog postings about this. Let me know.
i cant believe how much i see myself in this post.
thanks for sharing Forester
How long have you been married? I can't remember if I should already know that. I'm just curious.
I've been married for almost seven years.
Would you mind sending me your email address? I have something to send you, but don't know how. :)
one_bewitched@yahoo.com
Thanks,
Sam
This may be a blunt question, but I wonder how it must be to have sex with a woman, when you really are not attracted to her physically. If only I could perform, and find a sweet understanding woman, then who knows?
But I suppose one does not have to be attracted to women, but only one woman. I understand that there are many levels of attraction, besides sexual attraction. Is that enough?
Also can I ask why you married in the first place? To conform? To meet the requirement of entering the everlasting covenant of eternal marriage, in order to reach the highest degree of glory? Just trying to understand. Email me if you want to answer privately.
Jacob, I married because I knew it was the right thing to do. I wanted a wife and a family and everything else that came with it. I'm so glad I just put my faith in God and went for it. I fell in love with my wife while dating and was sexually attracted to her in the sense that there was a need to consumate that love through something more meaningful, as well as wanting to just get naked and be able to have sex.
I'm not very attracted to naked women, but once I start kissing, touching, etc. I don't have a problem with following through. I guess just being able to be very close to another person, is sufficient for me to get excited.
Thank you so much for your reply to my very private question. I do not know anyone I could ask this question and I appreciate your honesty and willingness to share your experience.
I do think some can achieve good "heterosexual functioning", meaning that many gays have a hetero- emotional and -sexual potential.
Some do not have any potential in that area at all and probably never will. As long as we find peace and accept ourselves and others I think that is OK.
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