Monday, May 21, 2007
I've been thinking seriously about posting my real name and a picture of myself on this blog, rather than using the name of Forester and a false picture. Part of me doesn't want to hide behind anonimity. I think it would help as a step toward the coming out. My wife still doesn't know about my attraction to men and I guess there is the possibility that someone I know will see my blog site. Would coming out this way place a limit on how truthful I am in my blogs? Probably, to some degree, but for the most part, I don't have a problem with others I know possibly reading this blog. I don't exactly use this blog as a personal journal, but I guess there is some information that is quite personal, especially my sexual preference for men. Why does anyone need to know something so private, and how is coming out this way really necessary in my acceptance of who I am and what I'm struggling with? If I reveal my name, I may be less likely to divulge some of the more intense sexual feelings and situations. For example, I may not want to create a post about an intense moment of physical passion in an hour of weakness.
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8 comments:
You could edit out the gay stuff and your blog would be about...
um...
that thing Dr. Laura said that one time, maybe?
I would be very cautious about posting your real name and picture - especially if you haven't told your wife yet. That would be one hellofaway for her to find out "Oh, I saw your husbands picture on a web site - I didn't realize he is gay."
If you are feeling compelling urges to inch out of the closet a tad, perhaps privately via email to some of your trusted MoHo friends here in the Mormon Queerosphere.
I agree with abelard enigma! Since you have wife and children you have to be more careful. If you were single like me and open about you having SSA, then I do not think it would cause any problems. I have heard others telling their wife about their SSA and even though they stayed together, their relationship never became the same. I do not have so much to loose as you do. If someone that knows me one day will discover and read my blog, then it will be OK. I only fear peoples prejudices, and that they will start treating me like a leper. Think twice before you come out this way and carefully consider why you feel you have this need.
As a random stranger, it's certainly not my place to tell you what to do, but I would not have made the decision to come out publicly alone--that was something my wife and I decided together, because we knew the potential consequences would affect not just me, but both of us and our children. And I agree with Abelard that it's probably best for her to find out from you, not from hearsay.
If this were a perfect world, coming out would be simple. But this is a messy world and you may be opening up a can of hooks.
One question: Why is coming out and letting everyone know your secrets necessary in accepting yourself? Is other people's knowledge about you that important in accepting yourself? You seem to be giving others a lot of power over how you feel about yourself. You are much more than the SSA aspect of your life.
If only the community around us could view SSA the same way people who blog here see it! But it doesn't. Most people carry around a lot of false stereotypes that they will attach to you. If your cause is to try to educate people about those stereotypes, good luck.
But if you feel that can you be of greater service to humanity through all the other aspects of your life which are public, full openness on this aspect is not necessary. It is certainly not necessary in order for you to fully accept and love yourself.
It's always a really hard decision to make. It's very delicate and coming out to anyone feels extreemly awkward, and so of course coming out to your wife is probably the hardest person to tell this to, but I have a firm belief that honesty in this area brings peace. It's been my experience that sharing your life with someone means sharing doubts, fears, joys, heartaches, and sexual preferences. But you have to do it when you're ready and when you feel good about it.
Regardless of what happens, I love reading your blog and I think you're great!
Forester:
I don't know if you're still out there, but I miss your voice and hope all is well.
Beck.
I don't know how you guys juggle some of this stuff... I'm quite in awe of you, really.
You should not beat yourself up one second longer about not being more "open" about who you are.
Just take the notion that you want to be more open about who you are in every interaction in your life, put it someplace safe and sound, come back to it, remember it, pray about it. And let it unfold in your life naturally. Be patient.
Finding ways to deal with this in a healthy way -- such as through this blog -- is an excellent step on the path toward health and integrity. Congratulate yourself, and continue on down the path.
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