Friday, March 06, 2009

Are there any bloggers in my same situation: gay married active Mormon whose wife does not know? Please let me know if you are, or know of a blog that fits this criteria.

Thanks!

13 comments:

Sarah (Serendipity) said...

Forester,

Try Public Loneliness. He has not blogged much recently, but I have met him personally and know that he is in much the same situation. His email is listed in his profile.

Good luck!

Alan said...

Forester! Dude! You're alive! Welcome back! I have been wondering and worrying about you.
Glad you're still around!

Go with what Sarah says, that's the best I could do as well.

Also, I will repeat some ancient history. I travel through your town frequently and would really like to meet you and take you to lunch or something if you're up for it. I like blogging (obviously) but found that when I started meeting blog friends face to face it put a whole new dimension on lots of things, was so much better than just online stuff. LMK if you're up for it.

Beck said...

Though my wife "knows" that I am attracted to men and always have been, she doesn't know that I have MOHO friends, that I blog, that I have met or write to some in this community. So, I am not "fully out" in that regard, and as such, hold back from being able to embrace Sarah and Scott or feel guilty of having met Alan.

Though she knows of my dear friend, she does not know that I am still corresponding to him and where our letters are more romantic than may be appropriate for a married man.

So, though she's not completely in the dark, there are things that I've kept back from her, and I can relate to your situation and feelings.

I, too, and glad to see you "alive" and posting again. Please keep it up and let us know what's happening and how you are coping with it all.

Crisco said...

That would be me.

Tate Tadlock said...

do you have an email address I can email? I would like to get some insight of going from dating to marriage while have ssa feelings. My email is tate.tadlock@gmail.com

Chad said...

Hi, definitely glad to see you are back! Of all the blogs, I relate to yours the most- Yes, I am married, gay, temple-going, father and nobody knows. I have not started blogging yet, I keep making the excuse that I might get caught, however that doesn't seem to keep me from doing other things online :(

Love to e-mail, or at least read more of your post.

Bart said...

I'm raising my hand to that question, too. And while I think that quelling something so fundamental has a way of making me dead inside, I can't bear to think of not fulfilling the expectations that others have of me that I've been conditioned to respond to since I was in Primary.

Alan said...

@Chad:

E-mail me privately, please, I have a question or two and perhaps an insight to share.

Alan said...

@Bart:

Wow have you captured the dilemma I face. Spot on. Ping me directly if you want to talk about it.

Forester said...

Bart and Alan, No anonymous email account yet, so hang in there. And, Alan, although I want to meet you in person, I just can't right now.

Also, for the two of you, I hope that you are not having difficulty meeting anyone's but your own expectations. If I were living this life just to keep up appearances, I would have left it long ago. I'm in this for me, as guilty as it may sound.

Scott said...

@Chad & @Bart (and Forester and anyone else who might be reading, for that matter),

I imagine it gets lonely being so closeted. I'm more than willing to talk (or just listen) if you ever need a friend. My wife (Sarah aka Serendipity) is too. Beck and Alan will vouch for both of us, I think. Email addresses are in our Blogger profiles.

[[[HUG]]]

Alan said...

Forester: I understand. I would like to meet you very much too but this is your call. The invitation stands, you LMK if/when you're ready.

And to answer your question, the last 7 months since first coming out have been a long-overdue journey away from trying to fit myself into everyone else's expectations and instead finding my own, and God's for me, and doing my best to follow those. In many ways it's been the happiest time of my entire life.

I can't speak for Bart but I will say we have talked and I am impressed with his integrity.

Keep posting Forester and I really look forward to when you are ready to meet. You and I have more to talk about than you realize.

santorio said...

i have been meaning to write you about this subject for some time; looks like now's the time.

one of my first posts expressed by reservation: after a "confession," could she ever trust me? would she be hurt? worried? angry? Beck wrote back, of course she'll be hurt, mistrustful, angry. but in working things out, the relationship will be better.

i couldn't disagree, but have to wonder reading his and other posts over the years. i'm not convinced. i see a lot of hesitation and misunderstandings. there's a collective sense that these women are not celebrating with us our gayness, but just barely tolerating it, like some women tolerate their spouse's obsession with sports or their inability to appreciate opera or their inability to put dirty socks in the hamper. like, "he's the best i have, might as well make the best of it."

sure the gay husband is glad the secret is off his chest, but down deep are the wives happy knowing this, or would they echo carly simon who decided that she didn't want to know all those secrets?

we do not have a perfect marriage, there's a lot that we're working on. i have a lot of stress at work; she has significant health problems. our kids are happily married but with significant concerns about professional futures. do we really need anything more to work out?

yes, i wish i had brought it out when i first began to understand my identity, before children, but now in our 36th year of marriage, i think not.

Since July 15, 2007