Monday, June 01, 2009

What do you do when you have a crush on a guy? Do you try to get to know him and try everything you can to make him be your friend? I rarely get crushes, but this past week I haven't been able to get this guy off my mind! Not only does he look great, but he seems to have everything I've ever wanted in a guy (which is pretty hard to do since I'm really picky). Obviously, I can't have a romantic relationship because I'm married and want to remain married (and so is he), but I would settle for becoming close friends. But since I suck at making friends, I'm not sure what to do. He's in my elder's quorum and he is a doctor. He's a few years younger than me, so he hasn't been a doctor for very long. The great thing about the internet now is how much information is out there on people. I don't know this guy very well, he's pretty new in our ward, so my first action was to look him up on Facebook (no luck). Next, I searched his name and got a few hits. The best hit was a ton of photos of him that were taken by someone not in his immediate family. Of course, browsing through the photos, I found a couple of him swimming (shirtless of course) and he has a great body. But, like I said, I'm not going to focus on that. I just want to be his friend. I know it's not the most ethical thing to look up details and photos of someone online, but like I said, I suck at making friends - or even just talking to people I don't know. He's also very quiet, like I am, making things more difficult.

Making close friends in the church nowadays seems next to impossible if you're not serving in a calling with them. Most of our time is taken up by our family, our work and our callings. Most married guys don't tend to hang out with other guys. So how am I going to make this work? And, should I even be trying?

7 comments:

Bravone said...

Invite him and his family over for Sunday dinner. We have done this for years and developed good friendships in the process. It might develop into a great friendship that will become less sexualized and more healthy as you get to know him.

Bror said...

Take Bravone's advice and get to know him. I have had a crush on a guy for some time too. I saw him shopping the other day and made myself go up and say hi. It was great. I am so glad I did it. There's lots to talk about. A year ago I would have never done such a thing. Go for it and let us know how it goes.

Bravone said...

Forester, if you ever want to talk, I have gone/are going through many of the same experiences that you are. If I can help, shoot me an email and I'll send my number.

Best,
Bravone

Ned said...

I'm slow to follow up on this, but I agree that you should seek him out and see where it takes you.

One of the most powerful ways to get to know someone starts with these four words: "I need your help." It could be about a gospel question, or a home maintenance thing, or something about recreation, work or some item in the news.

Since you've found him online you may already know some of his interests. If he's not response, you're still ahead because you've practiced reaching out, and the next time you want to talk with someone "crushable" you'll be more relaxed.

Ok, I'll stand down from my soapbox now. :)

John said...

Ok I just found your blog today for the first time. I am so relieved to know that I am not the only one out there that is married with children, active and struggling with SSA. I have never admitted this to anyone ever or even talked to anyone else about this. It is such a relief to know that I am not alone. I was totally stunned to see that you live in Vegas, as do I (actually born and raised here). From what I have read it seems like we are both in the exact same situation, I'm just a couple years older than you though. I have thought about starting a similar blog but haven't found the courage to do it. Maybe I will find that courage now that I read yours.

I would have to go with Bravone on this one, just invite his family over for dinner, it is a great way to get to know someone.

Thanks again for having the courage to start this blog. I look forward to reading more posts and keeping in contact.

Clark said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mandi said...

Husband had a new crush at work. He didn't want me to meet him because he knew I'd ruin it for him. Sure enough- we met- crush diminished. One time I'm happy to be a wet blanket.

Since July 15, 2007