A close friend of mine, who knows I have SGA, and who is pretty hot looking, happens to owe me a lot of money. So much money that there is no way he could pay me back within the next 20 years. He's been struggling with paying the bills and expressed a desire to settle our debt. As we were brainstorming about how to reduce the amount he owed, how much he could pay me monthly, or other ways to pay me back, he jokingly suggested that he knew of a way to pay me back by giving me what I've wanted for so long: to be with another man, in this case, him.
Believe me, there was a brief moment I actually considered his offer. A brief flash of excitement. But, it was only for a second. I knew there was no possible way of even entertaining this idea. My friendship to him, my devotion to my wife and family, the promises I have made to God, all mean more to me than a brief moment of desire, albeit a long awaited desire. Unlike some of you, I have never had the experience of actually being with another man sexually. Every now and then, sometimes more now than than, the desire is so strong (not just sexually, but also emotionally) and I come close to giving it all away for one chance to experience what I have wanted for so long. We quickly moved on to another topic and didn't come back to talking about his debt to me. We parted ways and I haven't talked to him for a week. I know that I won't bring it back up again, but there is the possibility that he would and that he would make the same offer.
8 comments:
Glad you have the wisdom to pass. It wasn't worth it for me, and scares me how close I came to losing what I most value.
One of my favorite quotes from Anon. "The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is giving up what we want most for what we want at the moment."
When the Clinton-Monica thing broke out, I kept saying, "What was he thinking? How could he jeopardize so much for so little? Same thing about most of the really dumb things I've done--what was I thinking? You kept the long range perspective in focus; congrats.
If you ever do have any physical or emotional experience with another man, I would obviously hope that it would be done in a manner that would not dishonor the commitments you have made to your wife and children...
But I would also hope that the experience would be built on a foundation of love and mutual respect, and not simply a financial transaction. That, almost as much as your commitment to your family, is reason to say "no" to your friend's offer. Your dignity and honor are worth more than that.
I too have never experienced anything with another guy and want to sooo badly at times - but if we keep things in perspective....everything will turn out well....
"...the promises I have made to God, all mean more to me than a brief moment of desire..."
Um, can I just state the obvious and say that if you were to embrace being gay it wouldn't be a brief moment of desire but a way to live your life in love and with integrity and for your autonomous path and progress.
Gay isn't a temptation. It's a viable and healthy way of life.
:)
Forrester,
Are you sure this guy is a true friend? Yes, what he said was couched in jest, but there is irony and deceit behind the veil. This person has used you in the past to rescue him from financial problems, and then offers to prostitute himself to you. If he loved you and your family, would he joke about such things? If he pursues this option of payment, he is looking for yet another way to control and abuse you. Be careful.
I know what you feel like. I have dreams involving some of my hot straight friends that involve outlandish situations where I have to make out with them, just cause its the right thing to do, (ie pretending we're gay so a terrorist won't kill us or something) They scare me because I know somewhere in me is that desire, and what would I do if one of them did propose something like that. Way to be strong.
Forester,
Hang in there. As someone who has experienced it, I don't recommend it. I'd have a lot less to write about if I had made the decision you had.
-Legien
http://bit.ly/becDn9
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