Saturday, September 24, 2011

It has been a little over a year since we moved back to Utah. The past year has been very interesting and I've come to learn a lot about myself. I didn't think I would ever "lose" my testimony of the church, but it's looking like I at least need a break to sort things out. I have had some incredible experiences in the church and have an enourmous amount of respect for the members of the church. I just feel like I'm not happy when I go to church. I feel so much better about myself when I don't go. I don't fully blame the church, I know a lot of it has to do with myself. There must be a happy medium somewhere. That's one of the hard things about the church. You're either in or your out, there is no room for someone in-between.

I had an incredible day yesterday with another MOHO. We took our kids to the park (without our wives) and just spent a couple of hours talking and laying out on the grass while watching our kids play. Neither one of us had alterior motives. We are both dedicated to our wives and trying to make things work. I rarely get the opportunity to just talk about my feelings and just be myself. Is it possible to have a close relationship with another gay guy without crossing any lines?  I guess it helps if you're not attracted to each other, or at least one of you isn't. This guy (you know who you are) is totally hot, both in his personality and looks (lethal combination). Luckily, I don't think he is attracted to me. However, I'm just glad to have the opportunity to get to know another MOHO and hopefully support each other. I look forward to continuing our friendship and making new gay friends.

Tonight is the MOHO party at the Nicholson's. I'm trying to figure out a way to go, but it's not looking very promising. I'm getting close to coming out to my wife, so I'm going to need all the support I can get. There is no way I can do this alone.

13 comments:

Joe said...

I wish you luck. But I do think that your wife would prefer that you be alone when you come out to her. Having a guy with you for moral support might give her the wrong idea.

Forester said...

@Joe, I definately plan to tell her by myself. Were you just kidding?

recover and thrive said...

that is great that you got to hang out with another guy with your kids - that just sounds pleasant and I would love that! hope your coming out is in the right spirit and at the right time for both of you! don't rush anything :)

Joe said...

Totally kidding (except about hoping it goes well). I just couldn't resist grabbing at your final sentence: "There is no way I can do this alone."

Clark said...

Glad to hear from you again. Seems like we are still on the same page in a lot of ways. So jealous of you getting to meet a moho dad. It's been almost a year since I've meet any mo's in person. Hope life in UT is tolerable, outside the church and all.

Beck said...

Best wishes as you move forward in telling your wife. It is something that I wish I had done sooner. Though it was so very hard, I must admit that it has become the glue that has held us together instead of pulled us apart...

Crisco said...

What a big step you are contemplating! I'm still working through the ramifications of my choice to come out to my wife last year at about this time. I am glad I did, because now she knows what's bothering me. She wishes it was something else, but she keeps telling me she's glad I did.
I hear you about the no in-between path. I'm trying to still be connected to the church and get its benefits without having to be tied down to all the "supposed to's" if that makes any sense. My wife is on a different page, though. She clings desperately to church as an anchor, for stability. There's some tension there, but not a lot.
I'm also jealous about hanging out with another moho dad. I met "recover and thrive" in person and few single guys, but they are all up in LA, so don't see them much.

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