I've never been with another man before and have come too close on too many occasions. I need the strength of all of you who are having the same struggle with SSA. I'm so afraid that one of these times I am going to give into the temptation that has been a part of me for so many years. If another man approached me, in person, I would have a difficult time refusing. I've often hid behind gay chat rooms and have come close to actually meeting these guys in person.

I feel like I just need to do it and be done with it, so I know once and for all what it would be like to be with another man. It's probably good that I have no idea how to find a guy. I wouldn't know what to say or how to approach another guy. I know some guys have caught me staring at them, but I usually try to hide it. One of these times I'm afraid I'm going to jump off the edge.