Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Trying to Be a Real Man

I am so self-conscious about people thinking I'm gay that I go to great lengths to act "manly". I've even been trying to change my wardrobe, look scruffier, grow a little facial hair. But I don't think it's working. I am pretty much a butch acting guy, but once in awhile I do like to wear good looking clothes (actually most of the time) and everybody in my ward knows that I'm the one that decorates our house. Yes, I'm married and have little children. They are used to Dad rearranging the furniture and spending money on things like ottomans.

I don't believe in stereotypes, but believe me, I've got a lot of the gay stereotypes, even though I act butch. Where am I going with this? I guess I just want to know if I should try harder to be a real man by acting manly, using power tools. not matching my clothes, etc. or if I should just be myself. I know that as Mormons we are supposed to dress conservatively, but I really like my pink and red striped shirt.


Samantha said...

I saw your comment on Elbow's blog. How funny!! I'm in Las Vegas today--hot as HELL!!

I'll be interested in what more you have to say as your blog develops.

Just a thought--when you feel you can--when you're strong enough--when the spirit tells you it's the right time--tell your wife. I could never have made it through 20 years of marriage if my husband didn't know what I was going through with same-gender attraction. His love and support has been amazing. I hope and pray you can receive the same from your spouse.

AttemptingthePath said...

HEY! I found your comment through Elbow's as well as Samantha! (PS she's pretty much amazing :-)

I hope that you'll know when the aprropriate time will be to tell your wife of your difficult challenge, she'll be an amazing support! I know that the Lord has lead me to tell who I needed to to find the support I needed to make it this far in my struggle, I pray that you'll receive the same help!

anywho! Welcome to the blog world, I can't wait to read more !!!

PS don't worry about acting butch or fem--it doesn't matter. Being true to your ETERNAL self is all that matters

omnia_vincit_amor said...

I think you should wear whatever you want to wear... "conservative" means modestly, right? Do what makes you happy, within the constraints of your religion (since that's what you seem to want), but don't let anyone stifle your spirit!

Stephalumpagus said...

I agree with AtP--just be yourself. You shouldn't have to pretend. And if people are going to judge you then they have the problem--not you.

Since July 15, 2007