Saturday, March 31, 2007

Like many of you, I can't stop thinking about Elbow. He has been having such a difficult time. His latest post says that he has decided to leave his wife. Although I support him in his decision, I can't help but think that he is making the wrong decision. After reviewing my responses to his posts, I really hate myself for not taking a harder line for what I believe in. As much as I want him to stay with his wife, I don't want to be the one to tell him that he should. I want him to be happy and I want him to make choices that he feels will make him happy. I've always thought that when faced with a choice, most people, especially those raised in the church, will choose the right - meaning that they will hold fast to what the church teaches. But, nobody should be making choices based on someone elses testimony. Members of the church need to learn to rely on their own testimony. If you don't make your own choices then you start feeling resentment for the church. You shouldn't live the gospel if you don't want to - if you don't believe in it. Nobody shold be coerced into living a latter-day saint lifestyle. If you don't want to be in the church, then get out. I'm not going to try and save you. I'll be here for you and support you, but I won't make your decisions for you. I'm definately not one to talk. I'm depressed, attracted to men myself and question my own testimony frequently.

3 comments:

MoHoHawaii said...

It's pretty hard to second-guess what's right for someone else. I did what Elbow is now contemplating, and it was the best decision I could have made for me and my family. (Kids were involved.) I have no regrets. I think for others it might have been the wrong thing to do. I have no idea whether or not it would be right for Elbow.

P.S. Best of luck to you. I hope you find a path that works for you, balancing your beliefs, your family situation and your temperament. The decision you took in an earlier post not to tell your wife about your SSA seems sound to me and fits with experiences I heard from others.

santorio said...

the thing that bothers me most about my decisions is that they seem to revolve around, "what's in it me me?"

for example, i love being a father.
but am i a better father than scott? i doubt it

would my wife be happier with someone who could love her physically as well as emotionally?
sure, i'm reconciled. but she's not had a lot of say in this.

and so on.

it's becoming a moot point because i'm getting too old to start over, but before elbow gets in too deep [such as having children]...

Elbow said...

You have no idea how much your concern and attention have meant to me. I appreciate it more than you'll ever know. Thank you for your sincerity. I don't really know what else to say because I don't even know what to tell myself, but I love you and I'm listening to you and I will continue to listen to you because you're voice is sweet and sound and I need that right now too.

Since July 15, 2007