Thursday, August 02, 2007

I'M NOT GAY! I no longer want to be associated with this label, or any label for that matter. I am me, an individual. I understand the need to be associated with a group of people, to band together, to support each other and to feel accepted. Although there are many good reasons for being identified with a group of people (in this case men who are attracted to men), I've just recently begun to notice some of the harmful and damaging consequences of labeling myself as gay. Having feelings of same gender attraction, or "struggling" with SGA as many in the church use, is also not acceptable to me. Using SGA fits closer to what I feel and believe but it's still a label I am not comfortable with.

Some of you may say that I'm in denial, and perhaps I am, but the point I am trying to make is that I am seeing a negative side in myself, and in others who blog here, that really bothers me. For those of us who have decided not to act on our feelings of SGA (meaning that we have chosen not to have sexual relations outside of marriage between a man and a woman), using the broad term of "gay" implies too much. The main negative consequence I have noticed in myself is that my focus has changed or has become too narrow. I feel like I'm limiting myself to being gay or not gay. Although I didn't choose to be gay or be attracted to men, I am now choosing not to be gay. I think what this means is that this is isn't the sole focus of my sexual identity, nor is it a major defining piece of who I am. Our lives really are greater than the sum of our parts. When considered with how complex we are, feelings of SGA begin to take on a much smaller role.

7 comments:

J said...

I think the term gay, in this day and age, represents a lot more than who you are attracted to. I agree, I don't think this label in any way represents me and my experience.

playasinmar said...

Okay, sheesh. Calm down. We won't call you gay if you don't like.

You do realize that having no label makes you, of course, an Anti-Labelite.

Beck said...

You can call it what you will: SSA, SGA, Gay, MoHo, etc. I don't care, because you are still you! I personally don't have a problem with "gay" in the context I use it as it simply means I'm attracted to men. It doesn't embrace any other meaning in my thinking. It's just simple. SSA and SGA are fine, but they sound so clinical and disease-descriptive. I seem to remember posting about labels last year... I should review that and see if my perspective has become affected in a negative way by associating with the label "gay".

I agree with you wholeheartedly, however, that this is only one part of me - not the whole. In this blog world, we tend to show and emphasize that "one part". Of course you are so much more than that.

Just be glad you're you, no matter what you label yourself as! We love you just the same!

Danish Boy said...

Thankyou, I agree! I have not liked the labels that we sometimes give ourselves. It's simpler to use them but somewhat conflicting. I have been referred to as gay before and I always felt awkward. It made me feel a little uncomfortable or uneasy. That's just my thoughts on it.

GeckoMan said...

I have to agree with all of you. (Wasn't that refreshing and original?) The fact that we can all be right means to me that we're pretty much on the same page, acknowledging the pros and cons of labels.

I've recently started referring to myself as gay, I guess because of my blogging activity. But like Danish Boy, I'd feel pretty awkward if someone called me "Gay," because the term means so much more than what/how I see myself or actually behave.

I think I'll just refer to myself as "Gecko." Then nobody will know what the heck he's talking about!

Distinguishing Preoccupation said...

Absolutely Forester. You don't have to conform to anyone's label. You can be you and call yourself what you will. I see you on a journey to discover more about yourself and coming to the "labels crossroad" is an important step. The term "Gay" takes on a political, social, moral, as well as an orientation context whereas SSA or SGA makes it sound like you have a diagnosed disease. Homosexual sounds too text-bookish and takes out the social and emotional counterpart to this thing we deal with and strictly focuses on the attraction side of things. Well, thats my opinion anyway. Good luck figuring it all out.

-Caspian

Jerry said...

Thank you for saying this. I think you and Elder Oaks are right.

Since July 15, 2007